frazzled???

so last night we all passed out just after 9, then the dreams started.


i started dreaming of us having a nice family day, just Kev, Aedan & myself. we went to the gardens, saw a movie then we went to the waterfront. whilst at the waterfront Kev & I were laughing & joking with Aedan, and we even posed for a nice family photo.

somehow Aedan slipped throught the railings & fell in the water, I jumped in frantically trying to find my baby. Then Kev jumped in giving me time to catch my breath again. eventually sea rescue got there & they found my boys lifeless body....

everytime as they hand us his lil body i wake up. turn around & fall back asleep in hope that i will dream something else & then it starts all ova again. So today i'm freaking tired

WHY is it that dreams like this leave me all frazzled?
i'm now even more scared of loosing my baby boy & well as Kev said this morning we wont be going to the waterfront any time soon again...


i cant stop thinking about how i felt when they called me the night when Nikita passed & at the same time i know that if something were to happen to Aedan i would not be able to deal with the loss of a child the 2nd time around.

maybe its because i havent really been thinking about her the past couple of weeks that this is now hounding me or even the fact that it feels like i've forgotten her to a certain extent.

only time will tell

just another day

i have all these feelings inside me
i have to keep it real
things are spinning around me
wondering what's the big deal

friends
faces
those unknowns
and their places

feelings taking over
it's just another day coming to an end
hearts broken
take to heart, they too will mend

Haven't done this in ages...

I'm sorry i haven't written in ages, life is just SO hectic at the moment, work, home, time with Aedan, get ourselves clean, get Aedan to bed & hope & pray that i can keep my eyes open past 9pm. grrr ...

I sometimes reminisce (excuse my spelling) about how things were between Kev & myself when we just started dating & living together... things were so easy back then & we had SO much time. Time for things we wanted to do, like going to the movies or spend time just chatting over a pizza & bottle of wine at 11pm... aah i miss living in Sea point!!!

not that i would change my life as it is now, i mean we have a roof over our heads, each other, a gorgeous little boy & a lot of love... but i think wut i miss the most about living in Sea point is the fact that we had time for us - hopefully with careful reorganisation in our routine we can get that back or at least a bit more of it...

footnote:> strange how easy writting is when you just let your mind go & type as it comes out hey?